How to Deal with Difficult People: A Comprehensive Guide
4 August 2022

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

This may include only interacting on the phone for 15 minutes, limiting text messages, or even not responding to emotionally laden texts or e-mails. In other words, you might be avoiding that confrontation because you’re pretty sure nothing good will come of it. “Conflict avoidance often manifests from a negative experience that may have taught you that it’s safer to avoid than to engage,” Morales explains.

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These are people who are often with you day in and day out. Because these are more intimate relationships, where difficult behaviors and disagreements may have been brewing for years, setting boundaries often provides the best solution. “Be assertive and set clear how to deal with someone who avoids conflict expectations about what a respectful relationship looks like. Be selective with the information you share; trust is earned,” notes Dr. Galasso. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way.

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

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how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

Take action to protect yourself if they persist or disrespect your boundaries. Ask for permission, listen to their cues, and accept their “no” without judgment, pressure, or manipulation. When conflicts are managed constructively, it can help build trust in relationships. Respectfully, directly, and openly discussing opposing perspectives and resolving conflicts collaboratively can create a sense of unity, shared purpose, and mutual respect within the relationship. If you’re the one who’s struggled with conflict avoidance, all the same applies! Have some compassion, patience and empathy for yourself and this learned behavior and remind yourself that you’re taking new actions, which will become new habits over time.

Effective Communication Strategies

  • Letting go of the fantasy and wishful thinking is key.
  • He adds that there’s often a difference between what people say they intend to do and what they actually do.
  • Using the ‘I’ statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you.
  • This seems to be the less stressful route—avoiding an argument altogether—but usually causes more stress to both parties as tensions rise, resentments fester, and a much bigger argument eventually results.
  • I won’t go out of my way to include her, keep her up to date or interact with her unless I have to.

Physical intimacy is an essential part of any relationship. When two people avoid conflict, it can often lead to a decrease in physical intimacy. This happens because when two people are not communicating, they are not connecting on a physical level either. Physical intimacy is about connection, and when there is no communication, there is no connection. Once you understand how you handle conflict, you can take steps to prevent it and work more effectively with others when it does arise. If you feel a disagreement beginning, pay attention to any thoughts or behaviors that could fuel a negative approach to resolving the issue.

  • As age segregation has increased in our social lives, it is also on the rise in the professional sphere.
  • Stonewalling solves nothing but creates hard feelings and damages relationships.
  • Genuine follow-through and effort matter; they can’t just exist at the surface level.
  • If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be limited.
  • This shows disrespect and, in certain situations, even contempt, while at the same time letting the underlying conflict grow.

How confrontation can help a relationship

“Individuals who are conflict-avoidant tend to expect there will be a negative reaction and avoid even interactions that are healthy conflicts,” she explains. Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, is a psychotherapist and executive coach in NYC. He specializes in personal and professional development, anger management, emotional intelligence, infidelity issues, and couples and marriage therapy. But I’ve also found that being a conflict avoider can be from what you didn’t see as a kid. For example, in my house growing up I never saw may parents argue.

If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways. Assertiveness and boundaries are essential skills for https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/why-is-alcohol-addictive/ managing conflict in any situation. Whether it is at work, in your relationships, or in your team, you need to be able to express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and opinions respectfully and confidently.

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

Trying to “Win” the Argument

This emotional withdrawal shows up in a number of ways, but they all equal distance in the relationship. If you are struggling with conflict avoidance and want to learn how to communicate effectively with your partner, Makin Wellness can help. Conflict avoidance is the act of withdrawing from conflict or avoiding conflict altogether. You may often do this because you are afraid of getting hurt, being rejected, or feeling uncomfortable.

However, some people avoid conflict at all costs — even when the conflict is necessary. To avoid rocking the boat, conflict-avoidant people might bottle up their feelings and sidestep discussing important issues with others. I talk a lot about the importance of doing the work before a conversation to better ensure success. The first step is to get your physical self in check. If you’ve been avoiding conflict for a while, you have a neural association of fear with sharing your feelings, which basically means that your brain is hijacked making this entire process very difficult. When your fear brain (amygdala) is lit up, the rational, calm thinking part of your brain (your prefrontal cortex) can’t come on line.

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

Assertiveness helps build trust and rapport with your partner, empowering your partner while enhancing your self-esteem and confidence. In addition, assertive communication minimizes stress, while ensuring your rights and boundaries are respected. Conflict avoidant people have an extreme fear of disappointing or being abandoned by others, so they’ll figure out ways to deny or minimize problems so they don’t have to discuss them. The result of all this avoidance are feelings of resentment, hopelessness and anger which build up over time and eventually come out in some crappy, unhealthy way. However, you can handle conflict without going into panic mode.

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